


Crazy For You

by BigKiss130



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Asylum, Damn why are they so old, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Ji Hoon and Junhui are adoptive brothers, Ji Hoon is a psychologist, Junhui and Wonwoo are teachers, M/M, Soonyoung is a patient, This story is a whole mess, Wonwoo and Soonyoung are six years older than Ji Hoon and Junhui
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigKiss130/pseuds/BigKiss130
Summary: Ji Hoon had everything he needed: a house, a job, his brother and a friend. When his life seemed to be perfect, an event changed his mind. Or should I say "a person".A story in which Ji Hoon and Soonyoung learn how to love again.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo here's my second story! It's just the prologue and you should know that I won't post any chapter until "I'll win his heart (he won't be yours)" will be finished. You're free to subscribe to follow the progression of this fic but remember the chapters won't come out until the end of my first story! :)
> 
> See you! ~ :D

“Come on Ji Hoon! I don’t want to go there alone!”

“You have so much other friends to hang out with Jun.”

“Yeah but you’re my BROTHER. And it’s been like what…four weeks since you went outside?”

“I have everything I need here. Why would I go out?”

“It’s the last party before we all split up to study to college. Well, not us since we’re going to the same one… but I want to have fun one last time with people I know AND with you.”

“Just say that you want to see Jeon Wonwoo.”

“That you want to see Jeon Wonwoo.”

“What?”

“You’ve told me to say that I want to see Jeon Wonwoo.”

“Stupid.”

“I’ll do anything you want! Please Hoonie~”

“Like what?”

“I’ll buy you coke for one entire month.”

“No.”

“For a year.”

“Deal.”

Ji Hoon has always known that wherever Wonwoo went, Junhui wouldn’t be far away. Wonwoo was a twenty-four years old student who came to their high school to present the psychology university where Junhui wanted to go after graduation. Ji Hoon clearly didn’t accept the fact that his adoptive brother fell in love with him because first, Wonwoo was way too old and secondly, because he seemed to be Mr. Popular who liked to flirt with anyone good-looking. They’ve never talked together in the first place! How could Junhui know that Wonwoo was a good guy to date? _I just feel it. He’s the one._ He told him at least tenth a day.

For him, love at first sight was pure bullshit, thing that Junhui had multiple times on guys who didn’t even care about him. Ji Hoon? Friend was only a word to him. Even if his brother’s friends liked him for an unknown reason, he has never felt the need to have a single one. All he needed in his life were coke, his bed, his phone and music. His biggest dream was to become a composer and perhaps a singer himself. How cool would it be to perform on stage? This idea came into his mind the day he and Junhui went out to watch a concert, invited by the latter’s previous boyfriend, Mingyu. They broke up two years ago, saying that it was because they got tired of each other while the entire school knew that Mingyu was cheating on the Chinese. It took three weeks to get Junhui back on his feet. Ji Hoon clearly never forgave Mingyu for making his brother cry.

Ji Hoon grumbled when he saw Junhui’s smile but decided to go along with his plan anyway. So he went to his room and chose to wear black jeans and a t-shirt of the same color. His blond hair was already outstanding and he didn’t want to be the center of attention.

When he got out, Junhui was already waiting for him, the door widely opened and his keys around the fingers of the hand which wasn’t holding the handle.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Good! Let’s go!”

The school was as crowded as usual, except this time, it was only full of high school seniors all dressed very chic for the boys and with beautiful dresses for the girls. Junhui was wearing a white hoodie, blue jeans and his new white converses which Ji Hoon bought for him for his birthday. Since the two of them were living on their own, money wasn’t something they were used to have. Junhui had to work hard as a waiter in a tiny restaurant while Ji Hoon chose to be a cleaner for a dance complex. They were treated like shit and one day, Junhui came home with tears in his eyes, telling that one customer tried to _touch_ him. Ji Hoon insisted multiple times for his brother to quit his job but Junhui was too stubborn. Truthfully, his salary was high enough for the both of them to buy the necessaries to pay everything they needed but Ji Hoon couldn’t bear the idea of his brother working until sunrise while he would do nothing except studying.

“Look Hoonie! Wonwoo’s there! I’m going to say hi, you’re coming?”

“Uh…no. Go ahead I’ll wait for you here.” Ji Hoon refused without hiding his exasperation.

“See you later!”

After Junhui disappeared from his sight, Ji Hoon decided to go somewhere quieter. _The toilets are perfect._ Well, he wasn’t going to stay there all night long but he could at least enjoy a little bit of silence until a couple tell him to get out so they can have a _moment_.

Fortunately, nobody was inside. Ji Hoon let out a sigh of relief and went in front of the mirror which was hanged on the wall, just above the sinks. He looked so damn tired with the huge dark rings under his eyes. These were the result of hours of composing songs would never be released.

Ji Hoon chose to follow Junhui in his studies because he had no ideas of what to do next. The Art University was way too expensive for him and letting the Chinese alone was the worst decision ever. Even though he was the “younger brother”, Ji Hoon often had the impression that it was actually Junhui who acted like a baby. They didn’t know each other until they were adopted at the age of four by a young couple. Despite being radically different, they began to get closer day by day. Sometimes they would sleep in the same bed when the younger was too lazy to go to his room. The couple took really good care of them. The two had everything they needed and never complained about anything. But these happy times ended abruptly when Junhui made his coming-out. Ji Hoon could remember this day as if it was yesterday. Junhui entered their old house late at night, his hair messy, lips red and wearing a white t-shirt which was clearly not his. At first, his parents scolded him but when their “dad” smelt the cologne and saw the purples marks on his neck, everything became clear. Ji Hoon could only watch Junhui crying, breaking in front of their parents. He told them the truth, saying that he had his first time with Mingyu. Their dad suddenly slapped him on the cheek and shouted horrible things, one of them being the Chinese to get out of here and never come back. Not being able to live without his brother, Ji Hoon rushed down the stairs and quickly joined Junhui without a single explanation. They were now homeless at fifteen years old.

One day, when Mingyu learned their situation, he suggested to them one of the apartment his rich parents bought last year. Because they liked Junhui, they accepted to rent it for free until the two brothers find a job. The Chinese found one first and soon Ji Hoon followed. In a couple of months, their situation became stable enough and when Junhui and Mingyu broke up, nothing really changed. They needed to keep working hard though, despite returning home tired before doing their homework.

Ji Hoon woke up from his thoughts when he heard the water flowing next to him. When he turned his head, a young man was washing his hands.

“Am I that handsome?” He said checking his reflect in the mirror.

“What? Uh, I don’t know. No?”

“ _No_? Wow, that’s the first time I hear this.”

Ji Hoon rolled his eyes. Who does he think he was with this stupid smile of his?

“What’re you doing here?” The shorter asked without looking at him.

“One of my friends dragged me with him. He wanted to talk to one of the student.”

“Mine too.”

“And according to your clothes, I guess that you didn’t have any intention to come.”

“You guessed right.” Ji Hoon chuckled.

“I’m Kwon Soonyoung by the way and I’m twenty-four.” The man introduced himself, extending a hand for Ji Hoon to shake.

“I’m Lee Ji Hoon, eighteen years old.”

“Really? You don’t make them at all!” Soonyoung exclaimed.

“Everyone says this.” Ji Hoon snickered.

“Hey, let’s hang out until this party’s over.”

Ji Hoon surprisingly agreed. Soonyoung also studied at the psychology university just like Wonwoo. When he questioned if the latter was this famous friend, Soonyoung nodded and laughed, saying that it was the first time Wonwoo fell for someone younger than him. Ji Hoon couldn’t help but ask if Soonyoung knew the name of the student. The twenty-four years old man told him that Wonwoo never revealed his identity because if he did, he knew that Soonyoung would try to contact him. The younger slowly picture Junhui and Wonwoo together but quickly shook off the idea. _That couldn’t be possible, right?_ Perhaps age wasn’t a matter for two people in love… But Junhui loving someone six years older than him…what if Wonwoo wanted to play with someone as blind and innocent as his brother? _No, I can’t let that happen_. Nobody was going to break his heart again.

“Say Ji Hoonie, what do you want to be?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s your dream?”

They encountered like what, two hours ago and Soonyoung dared to ask such an intimate question. However…why does he feel so at ease with the older next to him? Ji Hoon stared at the stars before he finally spoke.

“I want to make people happy with my music.”

“Why did you choose psychology then?”

“Because the Art University is too expensive for me.”

“I see.”

“And you, why did you choose psychology?”

“I…I’ve _lost_ one of my friend. I just want to understand what he felt so I can try to help people before it’s too late.”

Soonyoung lowered his head. Ji Hoon could see that his small eyes became glassy as the face of his lost friend appeared in his mind. The younger felt bad about making Soonyoung sad because of his stupid question. Maybe he was stupider than Junhui after all. Was he going to hate him now? Wait, why would it be important for Ji Hoon if Soonyoung liked him or not? They’re just two strangers who were waiting for someone to return and finally quit this party. There was no reason to be friends or whatever. _Yeah, he’s going to forget me. I’m just…nothing to him._ This in mind, Ji Hoon got up and started to walk away.

“Hey, where are you going?” Soonyoung stopped him.

“I’m going to look for my brother and get home. I think he already accomplished his goal and it’s getting late anyway.” Ji Hoon explained.

“Then let me help you.”

“No I’m fine. Don’t bother helping me.”

“So you’re this type of guy.” Soonyoung giggled, slowly approaching the younger.

“What?”

“The one who doesn’t want any help and prefer to be alone.”

“What if it’s the case?”

“Haha, don’t take everything so seriously Hoonie. I like the way you are.”

“You don’t even know me you idiot.”

“Ouch, that’s mean!” The older whined, putting a hand on his chest.

“Anyway, I’m going. Goodbye.”

“It was nice to meet you!” Soonyoung smiled widely.

 _“It was nice to meet you too_ ” was what Ji Hoon wanted to say until Junhui’s tall figure appeared in front of him.

“I’ve got his number Hoonie! He gave me his number! Can you believe it?!”

“Woah calm down! Who gave you his number?”

“Jeon Wonwoo! He said that he wants to see me again!” Junhui hugged his brother tightly against his chest.

“He’s just a pedophile. Don’t put too much hope in your inexistent love story Junnie.”

“When you’ll meet the right person, you’ll change.” The taller laughed at him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

Two years later, they’ve met again. Junhui was now living a beautiful relationship with Wonwoo who was about to graduate the same year just as Soonyoung who remained the same bright person Ji Hoon remembered. It wasn’t unusual to see the two young men in their new apartment after Junhui and Ji Hoon came back from classes. They often ate together and spent time in the library to study. Soonyoung introduced some of his friends to them, such as Joshua, Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Surprisingly, Ji Hoon laughed and smiled a lot when he was with Soonyoung, fact that Junhui always make fun of. Their personalities were the complete opposites but they completed each other too. The older was the ray of sunshine Ji Hoon had always looked for. A precious friend who he was always proud of in everything he did such as dance competitions or sportive events which were organized by their college. Sometimes the two of them celebrated his victories alone and sometimes Soonyoung would throw a party, inviting everyone he knew. It wasn’t necessary to precise that Ji Hoon preferred the first option, sulking inside when his friend spend time with someone other than him. Was he being jealous and possessive? Perhaps a little bit…

Soonyoung and Ji Hoon were currently eating in the latter’s living room, sitting on the huge couch in front of the TV.

“How went your test?” The older questioned, bringing a hand of chips in his mouth.

“Great I think. I tried my best at last.”

“You always do and that’s partially why I adore you.”

“Then why do you like me apart from my hard worker side?”

“You’re cute, funny, kind, talented, a really good person and…”

“Okay, stop. That’s enough you old man.” Ji Hoon mocked him, starting to get up before Soonyoung could grab him to start a tickles battle.

But of course nothing could go the way he wanted. Before he could make one step away from where they were sitting, the older brought him back towards him and pushed his frail body down on the sofa. Their faces were just a few inches away from each other and they both could feel their noses touching.

“I’m still young. Twenty-six is not THAT old.” Soonyoung whispered against his lips.

“For me it is.”

“You really are a brat sometimes.”

“Y-“

Ji Hoon couldn’t finish his sentence that Soonyoung’s lips gently covered his own. This was Ji Hoon’s first kiss but more importantly it was _their first kiss_. After that, everything went so fast. At first, Soonyoung took things slow because Ji Hoon wanted to. They were both attentive about what each other desired. Ji Hoon loved when his boyfriend brought him every kind of presents without a good reason. He would often offer him a huge bouquet of flowers or treat him to dinner. Of course they went on dates every week-ends and spent time together at Ji Hoon’s apartment. When, one day, the younger felt ready to give his entire self to Soonyoung, he called him late at night, pretending that he missed him. Junhui being on a trip with Wonwoo, there was nobody to disturb them. The moment Soonyoung entered the apartment and closed the door behind him, Ji Hoon threw himself in his arms and kissed him passionately before he led them to his bedroom without breaking the touch. The older was incredibly sweet, making sure to not hurt Ji Hoon even though he couldn’t wait to become one with the man he loved. Ji Hoon appreciated that and everything Soonyoung did for him afterwards.

The next year, Ji Hoon decided that it was time for Soonyoung and him to move somewhere else together. After all, he couldn’t really live forever with another couple in the same space. Indeed, Wonwoo even started to bring some of his own clothes and sometimes spent two or four days in his and Junhui’s home.

With a single red rose in his hand, he waited for his boyfriend to meet him in the park where they used to go on their dates. Ji Hoon thought that Valentine’s Day was a good date to announce the big news so he stood up there for minutes which became an entire hour, in the hope to see Soonyoung. The younger started to worry seriously as time was passing by. He quickly ran to where his boyfriend and Wonwoo were living. When he arrived in front of the door he was surprised to see it open.

Suddenly, Soonyoung's voice could be heard in the kitchen. Apparently, he was on the phone, talking to someone Ji Hoon didn’t know. Ji Hoon hesitantly poked his head inside, trying to get the attention of his boyfriend.

“No I can’t right now. What? I’ll be there next week. A boyfriend? What are you talking about? I’m still single and I don’t like men.”

This sentence made Ji Hoon froze in place. He clenched the flower he was holding in his hand. _Why? Why?!_ One part of him wanted to interrogate Soonyoung but the second was telling him to let go and give up on what he thought was a fake relationship. _So that’s what Junhui felt when Mingyu broke up with him. Fuck. Why am I so stupid? I should have known that this would never work._

Tears running down his face, Ji Hoon furiously threw the present he bought on the floor to let Soonyoung know that he was here. After this incident, Ji Hoon chose to concentrate on getting his diploma and avoided Soonyoung as best as he could. When he told Junhui about it, the latter became so angry he wanted to commit murder. Ji Hoon and Wonwoo calmed him down before he could leave the apartment to search for “ _this piece of shit_ ”.

Ji Hoon was now twenty-eight and worked as a psychologist in an asylum. This clearly wasn’t the kind of work he imagined to do when he would finish his studies. But, surprisingly, he liked his job. No, he _loved_ his job. Everyone agreed to say that he was the most passionate psychologist who ever worked here. The patients appreciated him as well as the other nurses. Sometimes, he would stay at his tiny office all night long, studying the progress of the mental state of the different patients. Ji Hoon was really happy when one could go and come back to live in the city. The most touching moments were of course the goodbyes. Usually, the one who was going to leave thanked him for all he did and his dedication to his job. Ji Hoon would just nod and kindly say that it was a pleasure to know him or her. The last person who did it was a young lady, who was bipolar. Despite being sick, she was in general kind and loved to take care of the garden which was outside the hospital.

Outside of his professional life, Ji Hoon remained alone and was living on his own in a house he bought when he got a promotion. Junhui and Wonwoo got married and were together working as teachers in another university. They would hang out on holidays and go on trip when they could. The couple didn’t live far away from him. Three streets were separating them so Ji Hoon and Junhui could see each other (very) often.

“I wonder if you shouldn’t take care of my students.” Junhui sighed, reading the papers he needed to correct for the next Monday.

“Why?” Ji Hoon asked, examinating the reports his boss sent to him.

“Last week I saw some of them write some indecent things on the blackboard.”

“It’s called being young and stupid. Just like you when you were their age.”

“Well, excuse me, but I didn’t draw pen-“

A ringtone stopped Junhui. It was Ji Hoon’s phone. He apologized and went in his house to take the call.

“Hello?” He started.

“Ji Hoon? I just wanted to let you know that a new patient arrived this morning. I sent you his file by email.”

“Oh okay. Thanks.”

Ji Hoon hung up and got back outside where his laptop was. Junhui looked at him through his glasses and started to open his mouth.

“I have a new patient.” Ji Hoon quickly answered.

“Do you know his name?”

“It’s confidential you idiot.”

Junhui just sighed and got back to work. The younger logged in and clicked on the last email he received. He began to read the first words and noted on a piece of paper what were important. When his eyes landed on the name of the patient, time seemed to have stop around him. He didn’t even hear Junhui who moved his chair closer to look at the screen.

“So who’s it?”

“…Kwon Soonyoung.”


	2. Let's Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ji Hoon and Soonyoung finally meet each other after all these years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I can start this story! I'm so happy haha! I hope you enjoy this new fic and stay with me until the very end! 
> 
> See you soon! ~

Ji Hoon scrolled down the text as more details were coming. _Depression, hallucination, delirium, two suicide attempts_ … What happened to the Kwon Soonyoung he knew? In his memories, Soonyoung was the brightest and happiest man on Earth, smiling for no reasons and always finding the positive side of each situation. Luckily, Junhui had no idea that his brother kept every single picture of him and Soonyoung and looked at them when he was feeling down. Yes. Yes Ji Hoon missed him. _I miss him every single day._ He didn’t know if it was the same for Soonyoung and deep inside he hoped that it was the case. You may think that he was a fool for loving him after what he did but since their break up, Ji Hoon never thought about finding someone else than his first love. He should try though and it wasn’t as if Junhui and Wonwoo didn’t encourage him.

“God, it sounds serious. What do you think happened to him?” Junhui questioned the younger.

“I have no idea.”

“Hey are you okay Hoonie?”

“Yeah, it’s just strange to see him again in these…circumstances.” Ji Hoon murmured.

“Ji Hoon, remember that he hurt you. Don’t forget this. Treat him like a stranger or it’s going to be complicated.”

“I…I know…”

“If you ever need something, call me.”

“I will.”

After a few hours, Wonwoo came to take Junhui back home, leaving Ji Hoon alone in his house. He spent the rest of his evening examining attentively Soonyoung’s file and trying to understand what possibly could bring the young man to wanting to end his life. Did he become completely crazy? According to the data, the answer would be “yes” but for Ji Hoon, who knew him for several years, it couldn’t be so simple. Was it because of the break up or perhaps because of his family? Ji Hoon hadn’t any guilt to doubt them. When they were still together, Soonyoung firmly refused that his boyfriend would meet them, saying that they aren’t tolerant about being gay and could even hurt him. The younger blindly believed his words and never looked further but now, it was clear that he needed to put himself in danger to understand Soonyoung’s situation.

Unable to sleep, Ji Hoon went down to his kitchen. He opened the cupboard and took out his favorite mug with three notes printed on it. The mug Soonyoung offered for their first anniversary. Unlike a lot of couple when they break up, Ji Hoon didn’t throw away a single thing the older bought for him when they were together. Junhui tried to convince his brother to get rid of everything which reminded Ji Hoon of Soonyoung. But he didn’t care at all because all of these presents meant so much to him he couldn’t resolve himself to destroy them.

Ji Hoon poured a good amount of coffee in his mug and slowly started to drink it. Soonyoung always said to him that it was bad for his health to drink more than two cups a day and the younger would just chuckle, telling him that it wasn’t him who composed songs all night.

When he felt the taste of the coffee in his mouth, Ji Hoon smiled. This drink became his life savior on the days when he had at least twenty files and reports to study. He also needed to organize the informations he found during the week to show them at the meetings which took place every Monday. Since Ji Hoon didn’t know a lot about Soonyoung’s case for now, he had the intention of making his own researches in the older’s private life even though it was formally forbidden.

Ji Hoon went into the living room and looked for a specific object. Once he got it, he turned his laptop on and inserted the USB key. Inside were mostly a lot of short videos and some pictures which were dating back from his college years when he made the happiest memories. The first party Junhui and he went to meet Wonwoo and Soonyoung again, the night when the two brothers drank alcohol for the first time, this one time when Soonyoung got into a fight with a high school student because he was wasted… _these were the good times_.

He then clicked on one video and waited for it to begin.

A pool outside a hotel appeared. He recognized the place where he and Soonyoung stayed for their holidays in Spain. Seeing the angle of the camera, he knew that it was him who was filming.

“ _Are you ready honey?_ ” Ji Hoon heard himself ask.

“ _Yup! I’m ready!_ ”

“ _Three, two, one…GO._ ”

Suddenly, Soonyoung arrived in the frame and directly dove in the water. Ji Hoon ran to him and stopped when he stood at the edge.

“ _I did it! Was I great?!_ ”

“ _You were fantastic._ ” Ji Hoon giggled, zooming on his boyfriend’s face.

“ _What about you?_ ”

“ _Huh?_ ”

“ _Dive in too._ ”

“ _But I can’t record if I’m swimming._ ”

“ _Oh, you’re so not funny._ ”

The older got away from Ji Hoon and disappeared under the water. The smaller came a little bit closer to see where Soonyoung was.

“ _Honey where are you?_ ”

A second later, he felt a firm grip on his arms and fell abruptly in the pool. He came face to face with a smiling Soonyoung who brought him close to his body and kissed his lips. The camera filmed this beautiful moment before switching off.

As the videos played, tears ran down his face along with uncontrollable sobs. He was so pathetic crying over a man who betrayed him. Who was ashamed of loving a naïve and innocent boy. Ji Hoon gave his entire self to this piece of trash and deep inside he could do it again without questioning anything because he loved Soonyoung. He was a fool, he knew. Ji Hoon was capable of understanding and healing his patient’s love troubles but why couldn’t he heal his own? Perhaps, it was because he has never met someone else and maybe he should change that. But for now, he needed to concentrate on Soonyoung’s health and put aside his personal feelings.

*** _The next day_ ***

“Hey Ji Hoon, are you okay?” Joshua, a twenty-nine nurse, asked him worriedly.

“What? Oh yes. I just didn’t sleep well yesterday.” He answered, sipping his coffee, reading the last documents which concerning Soonyoung.

“You didn’t sleep at all. I can see the dark rings under your eyes.”

“It’s nothing really. I’m okay.”

“Well, if you say so. Did you know that the new patient arrived yesterday?”

“I know.”

“For now he’s calm. He doesn’t talk much though. Are you ready to meet him? We’ll stay outside in case something happens.”

“It’s not necessary hyung. I’ll be fine.”

Joshua nodded, not convince at all by his colleague’s words and left twenty minutes later. Nobody knew what was going on in Ji Hoon’s mind and somehow it was better this way. Ironically, sometimes he asked himself if he hadn’t more troubles than the ones who were here. It was a possibility but at last, he could manage all of them in general.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Seokmin entered quietly and looked behind him.

“Ji Hoon, your patient’s here. Are you ready?”

“Yes. Let him in.”

“Alright. Come in Soonyoung, don’t be afraid. Doctor Lee is very kind you don’t have to worry.”

Once the patient in, Seokmin closed the door. Soonyoung lifted his head up and met Ji Hoon’s cold gaze. A big smile stretched his lips.

“Ji Hoon-“

“It’s Doctor Lee. Please, sit down.” Ji Hoon corrected him.

“What? Hoonie, hey why are you like-“

“Mr. Kwon, please sit down.”

With a frown, Soonyoung obeyed and settled in front of the doctor. His face and his body didn’t change much. He was still as handsome as Ji Hoon could remember with his tiny eyes fixing his own intensely. Soonyoung seemed to have grown up a bit and so had his muscles. Ji Hoon repressed the urge to hold him in his arms like he was used to. _He’s a stranger Ji Hoon._

“So Soonyoung, tell me a little bit about yourself.”

“What do you not know about me? Ji Hoon I’ve finally found you I’m so happy! Are you happy too?” The older questioned him innocently.

“You’re thirty-four and live in Seoul. You studied at-“

“JI HOON!”

Ji Hoon jumped in his seat at Soonyoung’s shout. His desk shook a bit when the older got up and violently put his hands on it.

“Why are you acting like this? Don’t talk to me as if I’m a stranger to you because I’m not!”

“Fine! Then what’s going on with you Soonyoung?! What’s the meaning of all of this?! Explain it to me then!” The younger screamed, his voice shaking from fear and anger.

“You left me without any explanations six years ago and…and… I miss you.”

“Soonyoung… We’re over and you know that. Make it easier for me, and tell me what happened to you.”

Soonyoung became silent and balled his hands into fists. Ji Hoon wanted to intertwine their fingers to reassure him but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He _mustn’t_.

“Everyone left me on my own. You, Junhui, Wonwoo, my friends, my parents… I only made mistakes and slowly I lost everything and everyone I loved. It’s because of you. Everything I did was for you.”

“Soonyoung…”

“But I don’t blame you. How can I hate the one I love?”

Ji Hoon realized that they were both feeling the same about each other. Despite their sudden break-up, both of them were still desperately in love. However, this wasn’t a fiction. Soonyoung and Ji Hoon couldn’t kiss here and forget everything like all these years were nothing to them. Their story didn’t have a happy ending and would probably never have one. At this thought, Ji Hoon’s heart broke again. Yes “again”. It was a torture to hold this tiny hope to be with the man he loves again without thinking of this day when he decided to leave. He didn’t want to suffer anymore and he knew that Soonyoung couldn’t grant this desire. Soonyoung was his source of happiness but also the reason why he wanted to end his life. No, he couldn’t forgive his betrayal and simply accept his apologies and give him a second chance. For now, he just wanted Soonyoung to live a normal life and get out of this hospital.

“We’ll end here for today.” Ji Hoon finally said, readjusting his glasses on his nose.

“Ji Hoon…”

“Let’s meet again tomorrow Soonyoung. Until then, please take care of yourself.”

Ji Hoon made a sign for Seokmin to take Soonyoung back to his room. The nurse came once again in his office and gently led the patient by his arm. When the door closed, Ji Hoon sighed in relief. He needed to see Junhui, right now. He grabbed the phone which was beside his computer and composed his brother’s number.

“Hello?” Junhui asked at the other side of the line.

“Junnie? Can we eat together today? You can bring Wonwoo too.” Ji Hoon requested in a nearly pleading ton.

“Of course. We’ll be there when classes are over.”

“Perfect.”

As promised, two hours later, the couple arrived in his office with two bags of food in hands.

“How is Soonyoung?” Wonwoo questioned first.

“He’s happy to see me but at the same time depressed.”

“Are you happy to see him too?”

“I don’t know. It’s…complicated.”

“He didn’t make a move on you, did he?” Junhui started to get mad.

“Hey calm down baby, they just discussed his troubles. It’s Ji Hoon’s job.” Wonwoo calmed him down.

“Yeah, he was very calm and compliant.” The doctor lied, digging into the meal the Chinese cooked for him.

“Good. I’ll beat his ass if he dares to touch you.”

“Thanks but I can defend myself.”

“I’ll ask for security reinforcement around your office.”

“Junhui!”

“Okay! I’m just worried about you.”

“You better worry about your students. They start to write fanfics about us.” Wonwoo laughed, making his husband cough.

“WHAT?! HOW- WHY???”

“Pff you don’t have to be ashamed or whatever. You’re a couple for real.”

“A-And did you read the…um…”

“Oh yes. They have a lot of imagination.”

“Stop I don’t want to hear this in my office! Keep your…your…you know what I mean.”

Ji Hoon really liked to spend time with Junhui and Wonwoo when he felt stressed or anxious. They were the only ones who could make him smile and forget his matters for a few minutes. But his break was over and he needed to get back to work. Since Soonyoung was his only case for today, Ji Hoon immerged himself in his researches. Soonyoung apparently started to took medicine for his depression soon after he graduated. However, he found a job as a secretary in a cabinet and worked there for two years before he got fired. The other employees told that Soonyoung often shouted a name they didn’t distinguish and sometimes ran out of the office for no reason even though someone was talking to him. His boss didn’t waste time to fire him when he suspected Soonyoung of suffering from delirium.

His first attempt of suicide took place on the night of November 22nd. One of his neighbor reported that he heard a loud noise which seemed like a gunshot. The police arrived quickly and discovered Soonyoung sitting on his bed, head lowered and hands hiding his tired face. The gun was on the floor, turning towards the mirror at the opposite side of the room. Soonyoung didn’t have the courage to pull the trigger when the weapon was under his chin and instead shot in the glass who was reflecting him. Ji Hoon fought the urge to cry again when he pictured the scene in his mind. Imagining Soonyoung so sad and lost broke his heart. If only he was there, Ji Hoon would touch his face and kiss his lips softly to reassure him and say that everything will be alright because they’re together. But they weren’t. Ji Hoon wanted to know what he could have done to avoid that. What if Soonyoung really died on Ji Hoon’s birthday? Would Ji Hoon be sad? Yes he would. Soonyoung was his everything and his destruction at the same time. But somebody like Soonyoung didn’t deserve to die at such a young age.

The second time he tried to end his life was on the date when they decided to be a couple. The moment he noticed that, Ji Hoon abruptly closed the file and put the papers away from his sight. He didn’t want to believe that he had something to do with Soonyoung’s dramatic choice. And suddenly something popped up in his mind. The famous conversation he eavesdropped six years ago. What if someone was pressuring Soonyoung so hard he had to lie about his love life? Because according to Soonyoung’s words, he loved him passionately. Perhaps Ji Hoon should investigate. Junhui won’t let him do it if he knew but it was his job to understand his patient to heal them. That’s a good excuse, right?

Suddenly, the telephone rang and Ji Hoon immediately picked up.

“Doctor Lee.”

“Mr. Lee, could you come in the room 15?”

“Why?”

“The patient doesn’t want to take his medicine if you’re not here.”

“I’ll be there.”

Ji Hoon quickly ran to his destination and saw the nurse, the tray in hands.

“What happened?”

“He’s a little bit agitated. We tied him up for now but I guess he calmed down.” She explained to him.

“I see. Give me that I’ll be quick.”

“Thank you.”

Ji Hoon took the object and entered the room. Soonyoung was tied up to his bed, straps around his wrists and legs.

“Ji Hoon! Ji Hoon!” Soonyoung screamed with his eyes closed.

“I’m here Soonyoung. I’m here.”

The older quickly turned his head to face the doctor.

“Is it you? Are you really here?”

“I am. You need to take your medicine.” Ji Hoon told him, undoing the ties to allow Soonyoung to move.

“But I’m not sick. Why would I take them?”

“You- Soonyoung, it’s just to sleep. You need to rest a bit.” The younger explained with a gentle voice.

“I won’t see you if I sleep. You’ll disappear again.”

“No I won’t. I’m working here, remember?”

“Then…can I ask you to stay until I fall asleep?” Soonyoung innocently requested.

Ji Hoon sighed. He forgot how childish Soonyoung could be.

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

The young man finally agreed to drink the beverage with the different pills then laid down once again. His eyes were still fixing Ji Hoon’s with a tiny smile stretching his lips.

“You’re just as cute as I remember. You didn’t change.” Soonyoung whispered.

“…”

“I’m glad I found you again.”

This was the last sentence Soonyoung pronounced before falling asleep. Ji Hoon slowly extended his arms and softly caressed the older’s cheek with his hand.

“Me too.”


	3. Will You Be There When I'll Wake Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soonyoung is never here when Ji Hoon opens his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you?
> 
> So I'm going to take holidays and I'm not going to write during this period because I kind of need to find inspiration again to keep producing good chapters for you. I hope you're not mad at me for this haha. 
> 
> See you soon! ~

The next day, Ji Hoon was waiting in the administration quarters. His boss called him a while ago to ask him something special. Maybe he’s going to be in charge of entertaining the patients with his music. He did it once when one of them was bored and threatened to kill someone if he didn’t hear music in the next fifteen minutes. Ji Hoon sang the songs he composed for Soonyoung back to when they were together. Their favorite song was “20” because it was during this period that they felt the happiest in their whole life. Ji Hoon was twenty when he realized that he was in love with Soonyoung and the latter was twenty-six so both of them were in their twenties. Perhaps he lacked a bit of inspiration to find the title that time.

“Doctor Lee?” A woman voice called him, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yes.”

“The director is ready to receive you.”

“Thank you.”

The young man entered his boss’s office and stayed at the frame of the door until his superior invited him to sit in front of his desk.

“You wanted to see me?” Ji Hoon started.

“Yes. I received a report yesterday and it concerned the patient Kwon Soonyoung.”

_What did he do this time?_

“Apparently he got up at midnight and looked for you everywhere, sometimes entering other patients’ room. He refused every single treatment if you’re not here to give them to him and even didn’t want to shower without you. I don’t really know what happened between you two and as much as I want to know, I don’t have time to investigate further. So that brings me to why I asked you to come here. Doctor Lee, I command you to be in charge of the patient Kwon Soonyoung for as long as he’s going to stay here.”

 _Be Soonyoung’s personal doctor?_ Well, he was the only psychologist here so, technically, Ji Hoon was everyone’s personal doctor. But playing this role of guardian angel reminded him of being his boyfriend. He recalled how Soonyoung could knock on his door in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep, enjoying the fact that Wonwoo and Junhui went away to do whatever they want. Despite having a spare key, the older never broke into the apartment to bother him because his boyfriend needed calm and concentration. Ji Hoon also remembered that he learned to cook to please Soonyoung with his favorite dishes. Every single thing he liked, Ji Hoon liked them too and every single thing he hated, Ji Hoon hated them too. He wasn’t forcing himself to be agreed with Soonyoung but since they just seemed to have the same tastes, their relationship worked better then Ji Hoon could imagine. Of course they had arguments during these nearly two years of dating. When Ji Hoon became too mad, Soonyoung would do everything he wanted to be forgiven, sometimes getting out at midnight to buy Ji Hoon’s favorite food or bring him a red rose at the end of each day. The doctor nearly chuckled at this memory.

“Since you have two hours until you’re next consultation, you can start now. It’s time for breakfast so perhaps it would be good if he gets out of his room and eats with the other patients in the dining hall.”

“Okay. Is he awake?”

“Nobody dared to wake him up so I don’t know.”

“I’ll see then.” Ji Hoon sighed, getting up.

“Thank you.”

The doctor quitted the office and headed towards Soonyoung’s room. Honestly, he was apprehending their time together. According to what he read, he didn’t know if Soonyoung could handle being away from him and more importantly if he was capable of being aggressive and overprotective. Wonwoo, who knew him forever, informed him yesterday that when he’s really angry, the older could beat someone until his enemy was bleeding. Yes, Soonyoung was a hot blooded and uncontrollable guy and that was what scared Ji Hoon the most. His mental state wasn’t at his best either, so it was going to be hard to watch over him and make sure that he won’t do anything stupid.

Ji Hoon quietly opened the door and discretely approached the bed where Soonyoung was laying down.

“Soonyoung? Are you awake?”

No answer. Ji Hoon groaned. Soonyoung wasn’t the type to sleep late and was usually the first one to wake up to jump in the shower before going to classes.

“Soonyoung come on you’re going to miss breakfast.”

“If it’s not yours, I’m not going to eat.”

“Soonyoung! Don’t be stubborn it’s not my job to cook the meals here.”

“Then I refuse.”

“Ah… Can’t you be kind and just do what I ask?”

“I’ll do anything you want.”

“Then get up please!”

When he heard Ji Hoon’s shaky voice, Soonyoung suddenly sit on the mattress and faced the smaller man. He then cupped his cute face in his hands and examined his expression. The habit Ji Hoon hated the most about himself was the fact that when he began to be mad he automatically started to cry. Junhui always made fun of him for this but Soonyoung never did and tried to calm him down instead of laughing.

“Hey Hoonie don’t cry I’ll get up okay?”

“Get your hands off me!” Ji Hoon shouted, pushing himself away from the other man.

“Ji Hoon…” Soonyoung whispered.

“Just…come in the dining hall and eat your breakfast. That’s all I want for now.”

Soonyoung nodded and passed the door opened by Ji Hoon who stayed behind alone in the room instead of following him. The touch was so sudden he panicked and reacted violently as if Soonyoung was infected by the plague. _This familiar touch_ … This touch he used to love so much when they were still happy together. This touch he reclaimed every morning when he woke up and saw the older smiling beside him. On their rest days, Soonyoung would always be there at his left sleeping peacefully while holding his boyfriend in his strong arms. _No, I can’t do this_. Why Soonyoung had to come in his life again to turn it upside down? This guy really knew how to shake his entire being. Sometimes, seeing how easy Soonyoung could make his mood change with just a few words, Ji Hoon had the impression that the latter controlled him like a vulgar puppet. Ji Hoon was wrapped around Soonyoung’s finger and Soonyoung was wrapped around his. That was why he couldn’t allow himself to give a second chance to their relationship because who knows how tomorrow would be like? Ji Hoon wanted stability and peace until his death and the older was definitively an obstacle for this wish.

After taking a deep breath and prepared himself to confront his particular patient once again, Ji Hoon came out and joined the dining hall. He spotted Soonyoung, sitting alone at the farthest table. The food he chose was still untouched and according to his expression, he didn’t have any intention to take a single bite. He needed to eat to stay healthy, Ji Hoon was perfectly aware of this. _I guess I have no other choice…_

With quick steps, Ji Hoon furiously went into the kitchen but immediately softened to not alarm the other employees.

“Doctor Lee? What’re you doing here?” The chief asked him, surprised to see him here instead of his office.

“I’m in charge of one patient and he doesn’t want to eat. Since I know what he likes, I was thinking of cooking something special for him.”

“Oh I see. Well, this place is all yours.”

“Thank you.”

The employees let him the necessary space to prepare the breakfast. Ji Hoon took the ingredients necessary for the kimchi fried rice. He remembered trying the recipe ten times before succeeding and tasted the result himself to not poison Soonyoung. A good glass of orange juice and an apple were also parts of his everyday breakfast. As memories were flooding back into his mind, Ji Hoon couldn’t help but let a smile appear on his lips. It was as if nothing happened and they were still living a happy love story together.

Once the dishes were ready, Ji Hoon took the tray and got out of the kitchen. When he looked towards the table where Soonyoung was twenty minutes ago, he could see that the latter still sat there. The doctor cautiously approached the older and put the food in front of him.

“Eat now. I prepared your breakfast.”

“Really?”

“Do you see any other patient with kimchi fried rice in front of them?” Ji Hoon replied a little bit annoyed.

“No. I’m sorry about doubting you.” Soonyoung apologized.

“It’s okay.”

The five first minutes were spent in silence. Soonyoung ate his meal while Ji Hoon checked the news on his phone. He could feel the older’s lovely gaze on him but didn’t pay attention, trying to calm down his furiously beating heart. It seemed like he was back to being the naïve student who believed that they would spend the rest of their lives together. Both of them never stopped falling in love with each other when they eyes met every morning in Ji Hoon’s king sized bed. Ji Hoon didn’t say the three words often because Soonyoung knew that he loved him when they intertwined their fingers without any particular reason. Holding hands was the touch Ji Hoon preferred the most. When they walked, under the table at the restaurant, while they watched a movie or even when they just faced each other, every occasion was good to touch Soonyoung’s hands.

Suddenly, Ji Hoon felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Seungkwan, a bipolar young man who arrived here last year.

“Doctor Lee! Good morning!” He greeted happily.

“Hi Seungkwan, how are you today? I heard that you didn’t feel well yesterday night.”

“I had a nightmare! A really horrible nightmare! I dreamt about you leaving to go in another country!”

“HEY.”

In an instant, Soonyoung was by the youngest side and held him by the collar of his uniform.

“YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DREAM ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND!” Soonyoung shouted, giving a death glare to Seungkwan.

“Soonyoung let him go!” Ji Hoon told him, getting up to give a back-hug to appease the older before the other nurses came to tie him again to his bed.

“Ji Hoon…”

“SOONYOUNG LET HIM GO.”

At Ji Hoon’s order, Soonyoung immediately put Seungkwan down, who fell on the floor breathless. Ji Hoon crouched down next to him and stroked his back.

“Are you alright?”

“This…this guy who is-“

“Hey calm down, I’ll call Seokmin so he can take care of you.”

The younger growled but nodded anyway. After he called the nurse, Ji Hoon and Soonyoung were alone once again.

“You. In my office.”

“Ji Hoon I’m-“

“NOW.”

The two of them went in silence to Ji Hoon’s office. The latter controlled himself when he closed the door, repressing the urge to slam it because of the madness he was feeling. Ji Hoon then skirted his desk and sit on the chair. He put his elbow on the slack of papers he forgot to clean before leaving yesterday and hid his face in his two hands, posing his glasses next to the computer.

“I can’t do this. I really can’t do this.” Ji Hoon mumbled, getting Soonyoung’s attention.

“Do what?”

“Be your private doctor, nurse, angel guardian I don’t know how you call this! Do you have any idea about what your stupid reactions could do to others?! Seungkwan is bipolar! He could have hurt you seriously if he would have been mad! He can control himself since three months but still you don’t have any right to threaten him.”

“But you’re mine-“

“NO I’M NOT YOURS. I’m not anymore… I liked when you were possessive before because I knew that you’ll always be by my side to protect me and I felt safe but seeing you trying to beat someone just terrified me.” Ji Hoon confessed.

“Did I scare you?” Soonyoung questioned his voice so gentle, Ji Hoon had the impression that he was a kid who needed to be reassured.

“Yes you did.”

The moment these words escaped his lips, Soonyoung’s face darkened.

“Soonyoung I didn’t want to-“

But the latter didn’t wait for the doctor to finish and got out of the room. Ji Hoon sighed. It was always like this when they had a very serious argument. For their case, time was the most effective remedy for both of them to find the courage to apologize and admit that each other was wrong for getting mad earlier. Even when they were just friends all they could feel when one of them stormed off was pain and regrets. Deep down, during these six years, Ji Hoon was mad at himself. Mad because he brutally cut Soonyoung out of his life without trying to search for an explanation. Mad because he knew that it pained the older to lose someone so precious to him. If he could turn back time, Ji Hoon would have open this door and calmly ask why Soonyoung pretended to be single and heterosexual. _I was so fucking stupid_. He only realized that when he became a psychologist and analyzed his own reaction to a simple problem which just needed to be talk out. But he was young, stubborn and perhaps a coward too.

*** _Dring Dring_ ***

_Who can it be at this hour?_ It was certainly not Junhui or Wonwoo since they must be in a middle of a class right now.

“Doctor Lee.”

“There’s a commission in front of the room 15. Please come down.”

The order delivered, Joshua hung up. Ji Hoon didn’t waste time to run out of his office and go to the given location. He must be quick because this kind of thing could degenerate and transform into a real massacre if others took part of the conflict.

When he got there, Ji Hoon could hear shouts but strangely only from one person. Ji Hoon approached and was surprised to see Soonyoung on the floor, protecting himself from a patient known as the doctor’s want to be murderer. The first time they’ve met, he literally tried to beat him to death by throwing his frail body against the window which broke under his weight. But he needed to do more to destabilize him. Ji Hoon wasn’t afraid because he was used to deal with dangerous situation, even though he didn’t receive any formation for self-defense. His best weapons were reassuring and kind words along with an authoritarian voice.

“Stop! What’s going on here? Oh my God, Soonyoung are you okay?!” Ji Hoon worried, running to the latter.

“…”

“DOCTOR LEE IS GAY! HE’S GAY! HE’S A FUCKING SLUT I KNEW IT!”

“That’s enough! We’re going to lock you up in your room.”

“TRY ME!”

Suddenly, the furious man pushed Joshua and Seokmin away and punched Ji Hoon in the stomach then kicked his face with his knee, full force. Ji Hoon fell on the ground, unable to move due to the pain. He really should learn self-defense when he could.

“Prepare an injection! We must bring Doctor Lee and the other patient to the infirmary too! Hurry up!”

Two nurses brought Soonyoung and Ji Hoon to treat their wounds. When they entered the room nobody was here. The two men were quickly taken in charge and laid down in two separated beds.

When Ji Hoon saw the other doctor, he shook his head.

“No I’m okay. Please take care of Soonyoung.”

“But you’re bleeding.”

“I can disinfect that alone. He was the one who was beaten the most.”

He nodded and accepted Ji Hoon’s request. Ji Hoon took out the necessary to treat his injury and started by cleaning the blood under his nose. Luckily, it wasn’t broken. He had neither the time nor the desire to go to the hospital once again, or worst let Junhui babying him. Ji Hoon then pulled his shirt up to examine the state of his stomach. He would have a bruise but nothing serious. _But what about Soonyoung?_

“Soonyoung do you hear me?” He asked when the nurse left to join the others who were watching the other patient in his room.

“…”

“Soonyoung I’m talking to you. Can you please answer me-“

But Soonyoung turned around, back facing the younger, and stayed completely silent, not answering Ji Hoon’s question. Usually if one of a patient behaved like this, Ji Hoon would just let it slide and wait patiently for the patient to answer. Everyone told him to not get attached to anyone here but it was Soonyoung in front of him. It was Soonyoung who was occupying his mind 24/7. And it was still Soonyoung who owned his heart since they met. Ji Hoon used to wonder if the man who betrayed him was living well. If he found someone else to take care of him when he was tired or sick. If sometimes, he thought of Ji Hoon and wanted to apologize. For about a year, Ji Hoon always hoped to see Soonyoung waiting behind his door with a huge bouquet of roses, to tell him that everything was a misunderstanding and that he was going to explain the call to save their couple. But he never did.

Not knowing what to do for now, he decided to close his eyes to rest a bit. The hours of sleepless nights made him fall quickly asleep. Ji Hoon dreamed about Soonyoung as always, rewinding the happy moments they lived together and what could their future look like if they were still a couple.

Two hours later, Ji Hoon woke up and didn’t see Soonyoung as always.


	4. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ji Hoon is ready to accept Soonyoung's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already sorry for playing with your feelings. Don't be sad I swear that this story is going to have a happy ending !

Ji Hoon turned towards the clock which was hanged on the wall and looked at the time. In two hours he had an appointment with Soonyoung’s previous boss in his office to discuss about the period when he was working. Ji Hoon wanted to hear the different point of view on Soonyoung’s story from those who were in touch with him long enough to give him more details than the informations which were in the official report. He wanted to contact Soonyoung’s family but after thinking for a while, Ji Hoon came to the conclusion that it was too early to meet the different members yet.

The doctor got up and slowly walked towards the door until the latter opened when he was about to put his hand on the knob. Ji Hoon lifted his head up and met Soonyoung’s tiny brown eyes.

“You’re awake. That’s great.” Soonyoung started, smiling fondly at the smaller.

“I’m…I’m glad that you’re okay too.” Ji Hoon said, nearly wearing the same smile but immediately tried to remain as indifferent as possible.

“You should know that I’m strong and this isn’t some weak punches which are going to take me down.”

“Oh really? I remember that time when you’ve dropped a box full of books on your feet and cried for nearly twenty minutes.” Ji Hoon mocked him.

“Hey! It’s partially your fault for buying the entire shop!” The older whined.

Ji Hoon giggled when he saw Soonyoung’s outraged face. The latter joined him soon and together they laughed, recalling this extremely funny episode of their story.

“I’ve missed laughing with you like this.” Ji Hoon suddenly confessed.

“Me too. You have such a beautiful smile when you laugh.”

The younger met Soonyoung’s gaze. His heart shouldn’t be racing as it was doing right now. Ji Hoon felt like a teenager again when he saw how the older was looking at him. When Soonyoung dared to put his hand on the smaller’s cheek, the doctor surprisingly leaned in the touch. Ji Hoon was tired of acting as if he hated Soonyoung with all of his being.

Soonyoung felt tears welling at the corner of his eyes. Could he bring his face closer? Could he put his lips on Ji Hoon’s soft ones? Or was it too early? Should he wait a bit longer to not scare the lovely man who was standing in front of him? Ji Hoon looked like a rose which had lost nearly all of his petals. Soonyoung needed to be the one who would protect this beautiful flower from dying.

“I shouldn’t love you but I can’t help myself. Why did you come back into my life?”

“Because I know you still love me like I love you since the day we’ve met.”

“Soonyoung-“

The noise of a door opening made them jump and the doctor quickly pulled away from Soonyoung’s gentle touch. Joshua appeared and immediately let out a sigh of relief when he saw the colors back on his colleague’s face. He came by his side and put both of his hands on the younger’s shoulders, back facing Soonyoung.

“Oh my God, Ji Hoon, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine. My nose just bled.”

When he looked at Soonyoung’s confused expression, Ji Hoon discretely went back and grabbed the patient’s wrist before going to the elevator. They needed to get away before Soonyoung could do any harm to the innocent nurse.

“I need to get back to work now. See you later Shua!”

Ji Hoon quickly pressed the button to call the elevator and once the latter arrived, they both entered it. He let out a sigh of relief when the doors closed.

“Hey Soonyoung, I have-“ Ji Hoon started turning back to face the man.

“Ji Hoon.”

The younger didn’t have the time to finish his sentence that Soonyoung pushed him against one of the wall and crashed his lips against his. Ji Hoon felt his white coat falling from his shoulder to end on the metallic ground. A hand behind his tiny head and an arm around his waist, Ji Hoon had no other option than let himself drown into the passionate kiss. He knew they shouldn’t do that. Not when their relationship is everything but fine and certainly not in an elevator where people could see them at any moment. His body was claiming Soonyoung’s and both of them were perfectly aware of that.

“You’re mine.” Soonyoung whispered in his ear, making the younger whine, bringing the other man closer to him.

“Soonyoung…”

“Say it. Say that you still love me.”

“Soonie!”

Soonyoung smirked when he heard his nickname and muffled moans falling endlessly from Ji Hoon’s mouth. He kept kissing his lover fiercely, undoing the buttons of his shirt, until the latter turned his head away to expose his white neck.

“W-Wait. We can’t…”

“Why? He asked, his hands on Ji Hoon’s cheeks.”

“You’re my patient and we’re not together anymore…”

“Your whole body is calling me but your mind is lucid enough to remind you that we shouldn’t be together. Don’t you know that I own you? Don’t you know that you’re mine? Ji, you belong to me and I know you desire me as much as I desire you.” Soonyoung said in a strangely menacing voice.

The way Soonyoung was talking scared Ji Hoon. He never used this kind of tone with him and most importantly never looked at him as if he was a simple prey. Ji Hoon didn’t recognize the man he loved. He tried to read Soonyoung’s emotions by staring at his eyes but the only thing he found was huge black pupils with no love in them.

“Soonyoung please… please stop.” Ji Hoon begged, placing his hands on the older’s chest without pushing him away.

As if something slapped him, Soonyoung quickly moved his hands to cup Ji Hoon’s face.

“I… I’m so sorry. I have no rights to claim you. Fuck, I’m so stupid.” Soonyoung blamed himself, putting his forehead against the other man’s.

Ji Hoon sighed and gently pressed his lips against his lover. Unlike Soonyoung’s, Ji Hoon’s kisses were always sweet and slow. He always made sure to tell Soonyoung how much he loved him without using words but through different touches and actions. This time was not different from the others. Perhaps he should give him a second chance? His reason was telling him to stay distant and cold towards the older but his heart needed to be complete and in order to do that, Ji Hoon should accept Soonyoung by his side once again.

“Ji Hoon you… why?”

“Let’s take it slow. I need more time to…think.”

“You mean that…you want to… Ji Hoon, are you sure?”

“I don’t know. I mean if you don’t want to I under-“

“Ji. You’re everything I need to keep my sanity. You’re the only medicine I need.”

When they were together, Ji Hoon thought the same. He thought that Soonyoung was everything he needed in this world and that he couldn’t live a single day without him by his side. Life proved him wrong though. He graduated without Soonyoung, got a job and a house without Soonyoung but he knew that something was missing because Soonyoung wasn’t there to love him. But now, he was right here in front of him, his body caging his against the wall. _Love is such a complicate feeling_.

“I have a meeting soon. Let’s go back to your room.”

“Alright.”

“S-Soonyoung please…”

“You’re still so beautiful. Just as I remember. You didn’t let anyone touch you, did you?”

“N-No. I didn’t…”

“Good boy.”

During this past six years, since his break-up, Ji Hoon didn’t have sex with anyone. It wasn’t like he had no occasions, because he did multiple times thanks to Junhui’s stupid ideas, but something in him told him that he was promised to someone else. To Kwon Soonyoung, the man who he foolishly loved. Ji Hoon was crazy for him and so was Soonyoung.

So here he was naked with his legs spread apart for Soonyoung to come closer and press their bodies together. Ji Hoon didn’t really know when they clothes found themselves on the ground or when he locked the door since they both entered the room completely possessed by desire and excitation. It’s been so long since they last did it that Ji Hoon couldn’t help but think about the pain but also the pleasure which he would feel right after.

“Hey, are you okay?” Soonyoung asked when he saw tears forming at the corner of his lover’s eyes.

“Y-yeah. Please Soonie I want to feel you inside me…” The younger moaned, making his already wet hole touch the tip of the older’s length.

“So needy for me my pretty baby.”

“Soonyoung! Ah!”

Ji Hoon knew that what he was doing was dangerous, both for him and Soonyoung. If anyone here knew what they were doing, Soonyoung would probably be taken away from him because everyone will believe that the patient was at fault and not Ji Hoon. Even if the doctor would scream and plead for leaving the older alone, nobody would listen to him. But it was too late to go back as Soonyoung was pounding into him, abusing his oversensitive prostate, making Ji Hoon’s voice go higher due to the pleasure. His nails were scratching Soonyoung’s back but the latter didn’t pay attention.

“S-Soonyoung! I’m going to..to come!” Ji Hoon moaned, his head thrown back on the mattress.

“Me too! Oh God baby you’re so damn good!” Soonyoung answered, ramming into his partner.

A few thrusts later, Ji Hoon came between them. Soonyoung followed his lover soon after, filling his inside with his seed. He slowly got his sex out, and switched their positions to hold Ji Hoon in his arms until the latter moved away. Ji Hoon lowered his body until his face was in front of the older’s again half-hard penis.

“What are you doing?” Soonyoung questioned him, going down from his orgasm.

“Consider this as another special treatment before I go.” He smirked, giving a lick along the length.

“Fuck…Ji!”

After a long cuddles session in his room, Ji Hoon left to get back to his office. He arrived just in time to prepare himself before his meeting with Soonyoung’s boss. Truthfully, he was nervous. He didn’t talk about it with Soonyoung but he was sure that if he did, the latter wouldn’t let him alone. He didn’t receive any other information about the man except his age, which told him that he was in his fifties.

*** _Knock Knock_ ***

“Come in.”

The door slowly opened and Seokmin appeared.

“The man is here. He’s waiting in the corridor.”

“Okay I’ll get him. Thanks.” Ji Hoon said getting up from his chair.

“Do you want some help?”

Ji Hoon knew that the nurse was going to suggest this. Since his arrival, numerous people, men and women, tried to get his attention for “ _not really good reasons_ ”. After all, he had this pure and innocent vibe with his cute face being highlighted by his blond hair. He also liked to put a little bit of make-up each time he needed to go out for either his job or just hang out with Junhui and Wonwoo in town. He remembered that Soonyoung used to call him the prettiest guy of this world no matter what he was wearing, despite being in a crowd of good-looking people.

“Mr. Park?” Ji Hoon called him.

“Oh, Doctor Lee. Nice to meet you.” The man said, extending a hand for Ji Hoon to shake.

“Nice to meet you too. Shall we go to my office?”

“It would be a pleasure.”

Ji Hoon opened the door, and let the older man enter first. Once in, he then closed the door and settled behind his desk.

“Take a sit.” He invited the man by showing the chair in front of him.

The man obeyed and sat down. Honestly, his appearance was just as Ji Hoon imagined. He wasn’t tall but not small either with a quite round belly. His clothes were as a costume, just as any other person of his rank. White and grey hair was covering his head. The man was looking at Ji Hoon with a slight smile on his lips but the doctor decided to not pay attention to it.

“So you’re here to talk about Kwon Soonyoung, the one who had, according to you, “mental issues”. So can you tell me in details what you really thought of his behavior?”

“Well, he was always late and sometimes skipped meetings. He didn’t talk to anyone and rejected the employees who wanted to sympathize. His performances were less than correct but my daughter who also worked in the same sector, begged me for months to not fire him. She wanted to help him to recover from his sadness and save him by making him fall in love with her.”

Ji Hoon clenched his teeth at the thought but quickly recomposed himself.

“Did it work for a certain period?”

“I sometimes saw them standing side by side but I can’t tell what they were doing. I recalled that they ate together and sometimes walked along the street. She never brought him home.”

“Okay. What happened when Mr. Kwon left?”

“She told me that he broke her heart. He never contacted her again.”

 _Good_.

“Could you please give me her e-mail? I’ll contact her later.”

“No problem.”

After he gave the contact informations, the man got up and joined Ji Hoon behind the desk. Then, he slowly approached his old body closer to Ji Hoon’s, making the latter cringe inside. He shouldn’t show that he was kind of panicking. When he saw the man’s expression, he perfectly knew that something was wrong from the start. _Just keep your calm Ji Hoon_. _You’ve faced worst than that_. The doctor told himself.

“Are you close to Mr. Kwon, Doctor Lee?” He asked, approaching his mouth to the young man’s ear.

“I’m sorry sir but my relationships with my patients are private.”

“Why?”

“I can’t tell this kind of information.” Ji Hoon coldly answered, trying to get away by moving his head a bit.

“I see. Well, you’re a really pretty boy so I don’t see how you could stay with a completely crazy and lost guy like Mr. Kwon. This poor creature.” The man snickered. “But, in case you need some company, don’t hesitate to contact me. Here’s my card.”

When the old man slipped the card in the front pocket of his white coat, Ji Hoon immediately wanted to throw it away for some reason.

“I have a schedule and I need to go in five minutes so I’m sorry to say that our meeting is over. Thank you for coming.” Ji Hoon said, getting up to open the door.

“Oh I understand. We’re both two busy men, haha.”

“Yes.”

“If you want company, don’t forget to call me.” The man smiled, imitating a phone call with his hand.

“Goodbye Mr. Park.”

Once the man got out of his office, Ji Hoon quickly locked himself inside the room. _What happened to you Soonyoung?_ He questioned mentally. Did this pervert played a major role in Soonyoung’s life or was he just an observer as he pretended? Ji Hoon hoped that he would never have to meet this man again. Perhaps his daughter will be nicer and more… professional than her father.

Before leaving to prepare something for Soonyoung’s dinner, Ji Hoon wrote an e-mail to the mysterious daughter. He planned to meet her next week so he would have time to search more about her life. It wasn’t like he felt jealousy towards her for getting closer to Soonyoung, _his Soonyoung_. They’re going to discuss peacefully and everything will be alright. He shouldn’t jump into conclusions anyway. Perhaps, they didn’t do anything besides briefly talking. Ji Hoon certainly couldn’t ask Soonyoung about it because he didn’t know if the memory of her was painful. The father didn’t know what happened between them after all and the last thing the doctor wanted was to make the older sad.

After he shut down the computer, Ji Hoon immediately went to Soonyoung’s room, as if the other man was attracting him just like a magnet. And as it was the same for him, when the younger opened the door, Soonyoung ran to him to take his lover in his arms.

“Hoonie calm down. Breath I’m here now.” Soonyoung reassured him, kissing the top of his head.

At this moment, Ji Hoon didn’t know who really needed help. It seemed like everything would be alright as long as Soonyoung would be here but the latter also had a problem that Ji Hoon needed to resolve.

“Won’t you tell me what happened? Please talk to me.”

“Soonyoung…”

Instead of explanations, Ji Hoon held the older tighter, hiding his face against his chest.

“Want to rest for a bit? Do you have something to do?”

“I need to make my report and call some people.”

“Is it urgent?”

“Yes.”

“Then… let’s take a nap together.” Soonyoung suggested, already leading Ji Hoon towards the bed.

When their two bodies were about to fall on the mattress, Ji Hoon took advantage and switched their positions to be on top.

“No. I need to prepare your dinner.” He stopped him, with a little smile on his lips.

“You always work.” Soonyoung chuckled, letting the other go.

“Perhaps I need to, to take care of you.”

“You’ve always took care of me since our college years.”

“So did you.”

“Did I?”

“Hmm. Now excuse me, I have to cook.”

“Hey Lee Ji Hoon!”

Before Soonyoung could get up and catch him, Ji Hoon closed the door behind him and locked the door before he quickly disappeared to go to the kitchen. When he got there, he saw Seokmin drinking his tea, visibly lost in his thoughts. The doctor discreetly passed by him and started to get the necessary to prepare Soonyoung’s dinner.

“Ji Hoon.” Seokmin called him suddenly, making the older jump.

“Yes?”

“Did you hear some noises earlier?”

“Noises?” Ji Hoon repeated, cutting the vegetables.

“Yeah, you know high-pitched moans or something like that.”

_Oh._

“Maybe one of the patients made a wet dream. I don’t know.” Ji Hoon quickly said, trying not to sound suspicious.

“Maybe you’re right. Sexual activities aren’t allowed here after all.”

“Yes.”

After he finished preparing Soonyoung’s food, Ji Hoon nearly ran to the older’s room. Once in, the doctor closed the door behind him and took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Soonyoung asked the younger, nearly getting up to join him.

“I’m okay. I’m just a little bit tired.”

“Hey Ji, come here.”

Ji Hoon did as he was told, and sat next to Soonyoung, putting the food next to them.

“I know when something’s wrong. Tell me what’s going on.” He whispered, taking the younger’s hands in his own.

“I just had a rough day. That’s all.”

“You won’t tell me, right?”

“I…”

“It’s okay. I know you. I won’t force you to do anything.” He smiled at him, brushing Ji Hoon’s knuckles with his thumbs to reassure him.

He wanted to tell him everything. About the strange man, about how wrong this relationship was. Or that’s what he thought. But at the same time, he didn’t want to hurt Soonyoung’s feelings because who knows what he was capable to do if Ji Hoon disappeared from his life _again_? _He won’t bear it_. And Ji Hoon wouldn’t either.

In the ton of questions which were now floating in his complicated mind, only one had an answer.

“I love you.” Soonyoung whispered with a smile on his face.

 _I love you_. Ji Hoon repeated silently before he intertwined their fingers.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave comments and kudos if you liked it! :D


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